Diary

15.01

I have a final exam tomorow, and i barely started studying. I am scared i'll fail, not only this one but the whole semester. I am scared i will fail my parents whom placed so much hope in me. I am scared i wwil fail my own self, from when i was a kid. I am scared. But at least tomorow, at the same hour, it will be over. And the next day, i'll be home. In my real home, not the appartment i live in alone. I mean where i feel like home. I don't feel like i am actually living on my own, but as if i was just waiting to return. I wish i never left. But also, i konw i shouldn't have stayed, nor mived closer to home. It would have been even more difficult to get a closure on my childrood.

I had a cherry coke and a some mcdo nuggets also today

19.01

I came back home for the wk, it felt really great. I missed home. I forgot to bake the cake for my association, so here i am baking at 9pm. I am pretty sure it will be burned, cause idk why it won't bake, but is already REALLY baked on the top. But only the top. idk what to do really. I took a huge bath. I eaten noddles, they were way too spicy. I had to rince them multiple times bc it was way too hot for me lol.

26.01

I went to visit my grandmother for few days, it felt really great. We didn't argue once my dad was gone. I saw my dad, for a day only tho, and i feel like it wasn't enough. I love him, and miss him. I would like to see them more often. I am back i my appartrment now. I am going to start a better life, to clean and save money a bit, lose weight. I want to take my life back in hands.

04.02

I went to the gym alone for the first time today. feel like a god. #ripped

17.02

I am back home for a while, i am feeling way better than before. i have a new crush, i'll probably never talk to him but he is fun to obsess over. I have a LOT of work to do, and my final exams are coming soon so i need to motivate myself, wich is an issue. I also have started working out a bit more (i went to the gym once since last time) and GAWD I AM FEELING IT. I brought myself some joggers and girl they FIT.

and i did not failed the smester, but i am REALLY close to so i'll start working earlier